Having started working in a small children's team, I had the opportunity to observe how bullying begins. There's going to be a long story now, then a long story.
I think everyone with children somehow caught this delicate moment between the baby falling and getting hurt and the way he roared. You may not have noticed — it often happens only once or twice and then goes as usual — but the first time this happens, the child, not yet understanding how to react to this new experience, looks back at the significant adult and reads information from his face. This moment lasts only a fraction of a second. And then there are two options.
1. Genuine horror on an adult's face is natural, because we don't know how hard the child has hit, and we are painfully worried. Having caught this horror, the child immediately screams: he is right, everything is gone, even the powerful, all-powerful parent is in panic and confused. The world is falling apart. This is worth crying over.
Perhaps this moment will happen a couple more times, and if the parent reacts the same way, the “bruise and cry” pattern will take hold.
2. The second option requires remarkable self-control from a parent or other significant adult. Often, parents who know about this backlash begin to prepare for it long before the child goes. So the child fell down - and immediately looks back at the adult in an attempt to understand how to react to it. And he sees that the adult is calm. He calmly approaches the baby (don't rush! don't rush!) and a little concerned, but still calmly finding out how hard the child hit (don't rush to him! miss it, don't panic to examine it! don't show any panic at all!). It helps to get up if necessary. He sympathizes warmly and calmly: “I understand you're in pain, right?” — “Yes” — “Will you regret it?” Hugs. If necessary, he explains that what happened, unfortunately, happens to people, especially growing people, quite often. Good for keeping calm. I'm with you. You did it and you will continue to do it.
Two or three more repetitions and this pattern will take hold. The child will react calmly, in a businesslike manner and almost without tears to his own minor injuries — and then this reaction, with due regard from the parent, will spread to other areas of life. Instead of panicking, a growing person will respond to crises with concentration and monitored calm. This is a very valuable skill. I still often miss it, but I'm working on it))
But that's not what we're talking about right now. Sitting in a small classroom, with children whose faces are constantly in front of me, whose reaction I more or less understand, I observed the same moment: the point of no return. But this time it was not about physical trauma, but about mental trauma — bullying.
There's a special kid in one of my classes. Of course, he needs more time to complete the task. He reads in a special way, with unusual intonations, and sometimes understands tasks more slowly. The moment came when the kids realized he was more vulnerable than they were.
And at that moment — instinctively, as we step on thin ice, as we try hot tea — they carefully, slowly, tried to laugh at it. And you should have seen how intensively they were monitoring my reaction at that moment!
I could give them a sympathetic smile. In comedies, these are the characters that make everyone laugh. I could laugh with them—indeed, it can be hard to resist laughing at a strange, weak, not always quick minded person, thereby joining the comfortable majority. To a strong pack. We are at ease with someone who is weaker than us, because, of course, we are always on horseback against his background. We're human beings, we can't get away from this.
I'm sure that in a big class, an inexperienced teacher like me would easily miss this moment - and at least smile with the children. But I somehow managed to stop. I don't know, maybe it's an experience with the younger one — don't be scared when he falls! Never panic, even when you can't stand up, even when you're bleeding! — don't show horror, keep calm. Maybe this experience helped me, but the moment they stared at me greedily, waiting for a reaction, it was a split second! I frowned, looking them straight in the eye, and shook my head slightly noticeably. The laughter went out without breaking fire, and the student continued to work without noticing anything.
We did not return to this issue again.
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